Leap of Faith

So I know I haven't written a post in weeks, and I am terribly sorry about that. I just haven't been inspired and wanted to wait until I actually had something to say. So here I go! I have figured out that my main focus in life, subconsciously and consciously has been on finding love. Some may say that's typical, others may say I should find a better way to spend my time, and the latter may be right, but I pray they aren't. As some of you know, I'm known to be quite an old fashioned girl. If a guy wants to talk to me he has to talk first. That's a very important rule as it shows respect for the different roles we have in society and is just the polite thing to do. I also don't do the pursuing. I've had many guys play hard to get with me and they lost their opportunity because I happily gave them to the other girl. A girl doesn't want to be one of the girls you talk to that way. She wants to be the only girl you have eyes for.

As some of you know there is an old tradition for Leap Day that states that a woman can propose to the man she wants to marry on Leap Day. Yes, I watched the Amy Adams movie when it came out a few years back. Yes, my friends and I jokingly planned for finding guys to propose to on Leap Day. It's all in good fun to joke about, but it's really a foolish plan to put into practice.

Think about it. If a guy doesn't propose to you, he isn't ready to marry you. So what would you asking accomplish? Even if he says yes, there's many problems with that situation. The biggest problem is the fact that some wimpy guy that gypped you out of the fairytale proposal just embarrassed you in front of all of society by making you propose to him and you fell for it! Don't do it! Horrible plan.

So anyways back to my love story. The guy I have liked for the past several months is very difficult to read. A quality I can appreciate because I like a challenge. On the other hand, I am quite the open book. A quality I'm not very fond of about myself, but can't easily be changed. Nonetheless, I haven't compromised my values for him, nor has he asked me to, which is admirable. When we talk, he talks first. When we talk, it's always appropriate. When we talk, I'm the happiest girl in the world. When we talk, we have a refreshingly honest friendship and get to know things no one else knows about each other. Liking someone and putting the effort in is a leap of faith, but if you don't have to risk something, can it really turn into love? If not, what's the point? That's my rant for today!

God Bless,

Jenny J

Luggage

As some of you know I'm going on a trip to Washington DC on Wednesday. So the princess that I am insisted on having a new suitcase. I looked everywhere and was willing to settle for the cutest one possible at every store. Not only did it have to meet carry on dimension requirements, but it also had to be fashionable. Fashionable and functional. I went from "Purple/White Polka Dots" to "Sophisticated Merlot" to "Jessica Simpson" to "Rampage's Love Letter Collection" suitcase. My mom had to laugh and say "When you go visit your future boyfriend(s) are you going to let his family see your lovey dovey suitcase?" I laughed and said "They'd just be happy a girl like me was dating their son." She couldn't argue with that. I've always had an interesting outlook on luggage. Until very recently I would only pack my belongings into a yellow duffel bag because that's what Lindsay Lohan used in "The Parent Trap". Yes, I knew that. I've seen that movie maybe 300 times. Not exaggerating. Now I'm moving on to RLLC. What does that say about me? That I'm clouded by my hopeless romantic attitude and can't even pick out luggage without adding it into the equation? Yeah, I think that's it. Now I'm off to fit 25 outfits, 10 pairs of shoes, and my cat into said suitcase! Okay I'm exaggerating, I can't take Indy.

God Bless,
Jenny J

Define the Line

"You're the best definition of good intentions."

Months ago I had to develop an attitude towards my friendships in order to protect myself and others from crossing the lines in friendships. This attitude is called my "I do friendly not flirty" policy. Honestly, I make a few exceptions to my rule because I'm young and have crushes..well actually only one crush, one exception. But besides that, I am naturally a friendly person especially when it comes to guys. I grew up with two brothers and could always instantly become friends with guys. I can discuss sports, politics, literature, you name it. I can also pretend I don't know anything about a particular subject if someone is more comfortable showing me the ropes or explaining something to me like they explain it to everyone else. I've always thought of myself as the "friend zone" girl that guys tell everything to and plead with to set them up with the pretty girls I'm friends with. Just like anyone knows, the friend zone is not always desired, but on the other side of the coin it can also be the safety zone. I won't tell you that guys and girls can be just friends, because I know this simply isn't true. But guys and girls can not cross the line and prioritize their friendship to look past simple attraction. They can also respect the other person's feelings and be gentle with them - keeping the friendship intact with no awkward occurrences. Flirting is a natural instinct, and as long as a person is not married, I'd say it's allowed. Be tactful, personable, and willing to accept the lines drawn. And guys, if it's me you're wanting to win over, be straightforward. I'll be honest with you, pinky promise! Good luck!

God Bless,
Jenny J

Unfinished Poems Series One: Love (Poem 5)

So welcome to February everyone! The month where hopeless romantics everywhere get to be sappy and talk about love while everyone else just has to deal. Or something like that. I've never been bitter about Valentine Season even though I've never had a Valentine. Love is something I look forward to and embrace! You should too! Here's another poem about love to get all of your angst out of the way now!

I don't understand.
I continually over analyze every single thing that you say
even though I tell myself it's a waste of time.
Do you really mean this?
Why did you say that?
Maybe I can - Stop?
Stop.
It's so one sided.
Must I have to be so careful about not letting my feelings for him
show through the cracks in my words?
Is it really my burden to bear?
Where are his struggles, his agitations, his desires -
to not allow me to stop talking because he wants my words to linger in his ears -
I'm not afraid they're missing.
I'm afraid they never will exist.


God Bless,
Jenny J

Unfinished Poems Series One: Love

If I haven't told you already, I have become completely obsessed with spoken word poetry. I think it's my niche and I would love to get involved with it soon! Given my confidence cooperates! Anyways, I decided to start off by writing down poems. I like to write about what I know and I also swoon over sappy love stories so I thought, I can write about that! I should note that all of these poems are unedited, untitled, and most importantly unfinished. (Unfinished? I think that makes them more beautiful. Life is filled with incomplete thoughts and some questions never receive answers.) Some people sing songs in the shower, I fit together iambic pentameter and other types of poetry. So here we go!

1. I want kids, not so picket fences, and the whole shabang-
and the only imagery that goes with that fantasy is the attachment of your last name.

2. All that I want is contentment
but that takes a backseat when I realize my issues with commitment.
Will he laugh at the way I pronounce hair or gush as I parade around with my flair?
Or will he "fall out of love" and have an affair?
Oh how I hope not.
I hope he sweeps me off my feet and vanquishes that terrible thought.

3. I often cringe when you call me friend... all I want is to be more.
As I ponder that thought I have decided to settle this silly war.
In the end I'll be your friend: the one you laugh with and adore.
Forget about all of the trinkets and tokens
I just want us to learn how to be unbroken.
Let's mold together as one
not fair weather or just for fun.
Friend give me your heart and in kind
I will give you mine.

4. When you look at every girl with infatuation in your eyes
you've missed the point and you're missing the prize.
Falling in love isn't about settling on someone
it's about selecting "The One".
My mother always warned me about guys like you.
She told me to never be number three or four.
To find a guy searching for something more.
Because I shouldn't be part of a collection,
No, I should be a one of a kind selection.

5. Long distance relationship:
My heart is on temporary loan
to a guy who literally lives almost a thousand miles and whom I've never met.
I'm not quite ready to call it love (mostly because I'm sane)
but I am ready to hop on a plane or train,
or even my little car that could - get me to him.
I've been told a thousand times I could have any guy I want
and even if that was true my heart doesn't want anyone else.
When my brain tells my heart to just forget it - that it is impossible
my heart looks into his eyes and they whisper "I'm possible".
Postcards, love letters, phone calls -
recounting every word, every story, every emotion felt.
We'd have so much to say and even when we run out of words, we'd have each other.
I'm not running away.
I'm making a wish upon a star and I'm crossing my fingers -
that even a thousand miles away he'll feel the same.

Bicycle:Life

I've never been the best bicyclist. Actually the day my mom first took the training wheels off my bicycle was the day I never wanted to ride a bike again. My feet always get tangled in the pedals and I've never been able to properly use the brakes. I always hear the comparison that life is like riding a bike - you have to keep getting back on and trying over and over again, and maybe one day you'll feel the adrenaline rush of accomplishment and truly feel alive. I've never ridden too fast or too slow and I like to ride next to someone that I can talk to without having to catch up with or wait for. Maybe one day I'll get to that hill and take my hands off the handlebars and feel the air rush into my lungs. 

Love Letters by: Sarah Kay

God Bless,

Jenny J

Easy To Find

"If things were easy to find they wouldn't be worth finding." - Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

I'd apply this to love as well. I think it's important to remember that love and every other important thing in life is special and takes time to find the right answers, or merely glimpses of the right answers. Food for thought!

God Bless,
Jenny J

[Music Monday] Featuring: Drive By

My new favorite song is Drive By by Train. It reminds me of the guy I currently have a crush on and I just picture him singing it to me. I hope you listen to it and love it just as much as I do!

God Bless,
Jenny J