Define the Line

"You're the best definition of good intentions."

Months ago I had to develop an attitude towards my friendships in order to protect myself and others from crossing the lines in friendships. This attitude is called my "I do friendly not flirty" policy. Honestly, I make a few exceptions to my rule because I'm young and have crushes..well actually only one crush, one exception. But besides that, I am naturally a friendly person especially when it comes to guys. I grew up with two brothers and could always instantly become friends with guys. I can discuss sports, politics, literature, you name it. I can also pretend I don't know anything about a particular subject if someone is more comfortable showing me the ropes or explaining something to me like they explain it to everyone else. I've always thought of myself as the "friend zone" girl that guys tell everything to and plead with to set them up with the pretty girls I'm friends with. Just like anyone knows, the friend zone is not always desired, but on the other side of the coin it can also be the safety zone. I won't tell you that guys and girls can be just friends, because I know this simply isn't true. But guys and girls can not cross the line and prioritize their friendship to look past simple attraction. They can also respect the other person's feelings and be gentle with them - keeping the friendship intact with no awkward occurrences. Flirting is a natural instinct, and as long as a person is not married, I'd say it's allowed. Be tactful, personable, and willing to accept the lines drawn. And guys, if it's me you're wanting to win over, be straightforward. I'll be honest with you, pinky promise! Good luck!

God Bless,
Jenny J

Dressing Room

I've always been fascinated with dressing rooms. I like trying on clothes and discovering myself through fashion. Fashion allows me to transform into anyone I want to be. I remember when I was younger I would go to resale shops and grab maybe a hundred things to try on. These dressing rooms were magical rooms surrounded in mirrors where I was able to see a myself a hundred times. Trying on clothes is a crucial experience in a girl's life. It allows her to self define who she wants to be. I still do it every once and a while and pretend to be who I want to be. I was shopping the other day and just needed a pick me up. I went through the clothes and couldn't find anything I particularly wanted to try on. So I went to the other side where the underwear and bras were on display. The typical womanly articles. I see this girl who is shopping with her mom and best friend. I hide between the racks pretending not to be seen. The girl is tom boyish and maybe a size 5. She is looking at pantyhose and Spanx and is gossiping about some other friend. Her friend is also tom boyish and her mom is giving them space. The girl seems out of place shopping here in this section. I feel like I'm being nosy and decide to mind my own business, so I grab a handful of bras and sneak into the dressing room unnoticed. The dressing room became like a therapy session. All of my worries were being tossed aside like the hangers of the bras. I stood and looked at my body and who I was as a woman. I found contentment. I've always been thin enough. Pretty enough. Confident enough - to continue onward. I hear the dressing room door beside me open and shut. It's the girl. She lets out a big sigh and her pain and insecurities transfer over to me. Oh how I've been there. Her mom can be heard shouting outside the door to her inside saying she has bras for her to try on. She confides in her mom that she looks like a boy. She curses loudly and begins to rehash the story about how her hairdresser messed up her hair and was forced to give her a boyish style. Her mom sympathetically agrees with the girl's anger and insists that she try on the bras. The girl curses again and begins to yell because her mom grabbed the smallest size available. She didn't want to be the smallest size available. She wanted to be womanly. She insisted that she wore a "D size" which simply wasn't the case, but she's allowed to pretend to be who ever she wants to be in the dressing room. Her mom laughed and said that was simply impossible. Although I agreed with the mom, I thought it would be important for the girl to figure this out on her own. A "D size" doesn't make her any more of a woman than she already is, I knew this. But did she? She soon sighed again, to her disappointment she found this out. I tried using my telekinesis to tell her that it will be okay and that she was beautiful just as she was. I gathered all of my belongings and we were both out of the dressing rooms at the same time I smiled at her to signal that I knew how she felt and that I sympathized. I walked away with hope in my heart that I made her day better.     

God Bless,
Jenny J

Unfinished Poems Series One: Love

If I haven't told you already, I have become completely obsessed with spoken word poetry. I think it's my niche and I would love to get involved with it soon! Given my confidence cooperates! Anyways, I decided to start off by writing down poems. I like to write about what I know and I also swoon over sappy love stories so I thought, I can write about that! I should note that all of these poems are unedited, untitled, and most importantly unfinished. (Unfinished? I think that makes them more beautiful. Life is filled with incomplete thoughts and some questions never receive answers.) Some people sing songs in the shower, I fit together iambic pentameter and other types of poetry. So here we go!

1. I want kids, not so picket fences, and the whole shabang-
and the only imagery that goes with that fantasy is the attachment of your last name.

2. All that I want is contentment
but that takes a backseat when I realize my issues with commitment.
Will he laugh at the way I pronounce hair or gush as I parade around with my flair?
Or will he "fall out of love" and have an affair?
Oh how I hope not.
I hope he sweeps me off my feet and vanquishes that terrible thought.

3. I often cringe when you call me friend... all I want is to be more.
As I ponder that thought I have decided to settle this silly war.
In the end I'll be your friend: the one you laugh with and adore.
Forget about all of the trinkets and tokens
I just want us to learn how to be unbroken.
Let's mold together as one
not fair weather or just for fun.
Friend give me your heart and in kind
I will give you mine.

4. When you look at every girl with infatuation in your eyes
you've missed the point and you're missing the prize.
Falling in love isn't about settling on someone
it's about selecting "The One".
My mother always warned me about guys like you.
She told me to never be number three or four.
To find a guy searching for something more.
Because I shouldn't be part of a collection,
No, I should be a one of a kind selection.

5. Long distance relationship:
My heart is on temporary loan
to a guy who literally lives almost a thousand miles and whom I've never met.
I'm not quite ready to call it love (mostly because I'm sane)
but I am ready to hop on a plane or train,
or even my little car that could - get me to him.
I've been told a thousand times I could have any guy I want
and even if that was true my heart doesn't want anyone else.
When my brain tells my heart to just forget it - that it is impossible
my heart looks into his eyes and they whisper "I'm possible".
Postcards, love letters, phone calls -
recounting every word, every story, every emotion felt.
We'd have so much to say and even when we run out of words, we'd have each other.
I'm not running away.
I'm making a wish upon a star and I'm crossing my fingers -
that even a thousand miles away he'll feel the same.

Not Medium

My name Jenna literally means "little bird" in Arabic and I've always been obsessed with being little. I don't see people and judge them for their weight. Trust me I'm not an evil skinny girl. I've just had this mindset that I must be the smallest possible. I enjoy shopping in the kids section for clothes, doing kiddish things, and mimicking everything child-like. I guess it's Peter Pan syndrome in the sense that I don't want to grow up. I went shopping today and grabbed a jacket to try on and automatically reached for the small. My mom shook her head and insisted that I try on the medium. I pouted and said "Please never say that again, I'm a small." Medium - what a strange word. I don't even like my steak medium, it has to be well done. Medium is just plain ordinary, and why would I want to be ordinary? I guess I've always seen myself as an old soul, but I naturally assume the world sees me as a child and I try to constantly fit myself in that self-defined box. As some of you know my Twitter handle is @littleShields and my mom sighs every time I refer to myself as such. She insists that I'm normal sized and maybe I am. I don't know. People say things like "It's all about the little things" and "The best gifts come in small packages."And I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you ever meet me I hope you see me all tied up in my ribbons and bows called clothes and refer to me as "little".

God Bless,
Jenny J

Bicycle:Life

I've never been the best bicyclist. Actually the day my mom first took the training wheels off my bicycle was the day I never wanted to ride a bike again. My feet always get tangled in the pedals and I've never been able to properly use the brakes. I always hear the comparison that life is like riding a bike - you have to keep getting back on and trying over and over again, and maybe one day you'll feel the adrenaline rush of accomplishment and truly feel alive. I've never ridden too fast or too slow and I like to ride next to someone that I can talk to without having to catch up with or wait for. Maybe one day I'll get to that hill and take my hands off the handlebars and feel the air rush into my lungs. 

Love Letters by: Sarah Kay

God Bless,

Jenny J

[Turn Those Speakers Up Tuesday] Featuring: You Won't Be Mine

You Won't Be Mine: Matchbox Twenty

This song is pretty much a hidden secret from the world. I stumbled upon it a few days ago and simply had to push replay a thousand times. Rob Thomas is a genius songwriter and his words speak to my soul. "Take yourself out to the curb - and sit and wait - A fool for life." This song doesn't have any personal significance to me, but if I ever felt compelled to tell someone they wouldn't be mine I hope I could convey it as beautifully as this song. Enjoy!

God Bless,

Jenny J

The Woman Within

As I go through life I learn about what it means to be a woman. My opinion is that most societies have a warped view of this in general. The most basic necessity of a woman is Respect. Honestly, respect is a difficult concept to comprehend. Liberals have twisted the meaning of respecting woman into something despicable. They spout out things like woman should be able to do whatever they want with their bodies. They sexualize us into these airbrushed images and we are ordered to torture ourselves to fit that description. Why do we do it? My only hypothesis is to be loved by the men of society. But what is this love? The marital love that the Bible talks about? Or is this love the sexual, desire-filled love? I don't understand how Angelina Jolie and Olivia Wilde trump the Proverbs 31 woman. Pure insanity. And what happens when a girl falls into society's trap and has sex? Are her insecurities washed away? No, quite the opposite. She finds more reasons to despise who she is. Does she get to feel loved? Often not. The man uses her and disrespects her in every regard of the word. What happens if she gets pregnant? "What about my future? I can't be a single mother. I don't want to throw everything away. This baby will only remind me of that loser that hooked up with me." That's the argument I've heard society whisper into the ears of every girl out there. It's heart breaking. Somehow society has convinced intelligent yet naive women that killing her child is acceptable because it is more convenient for her in the long run. I'd say many in society even encourage women to think this way more often than not. So the woman is left emotionally damaged and alone. And the cycle repeats. I see it everyday. I'm tempted to conform every single day. But honestly, I'd rather wait for respect. Now waiting is by no means easy. The tears will come in droves, insecurities will pile up on your shoulders, and temporary satisfaction will seem so very tempting. But know this: waiting means gaining even more worth as a woman. A real man of God will fall head over heels in love with you and will respect every part of you. Stay Strong Girl!

The following videos allowed me to reflect on what it means to be a woman in society today. Warning: not suitable for girls younger than 18 due to content and language watch with discernment.

 Katie Makkai - Pretty

Brave New Voices: Alysia Harris - That Girl

Alysia Harris - "Cab Rides and the Morning After"

God Bless,

Jenny J

Personal Price

Today in church we discussed betrayal and addressed the ultimate betrayal: Judas selling out and betraying Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. As I sat there I contemplated the numerous times I have been betrayed personally, and how all of those circumstances called for me to make loyalty a crucial characteristic requirement in the people I associate with. My pastor went on to say that we personally betray Christ when we choose sin over righteousness. That struck me to the core. Judas betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver and I reject Jesus everytime I sell myself to sin over righteousness. And for what: Attention? Money? Fame? Lust? Jesus Christ died on the cross to save me from the punishment of sin: Death. And for some reason that's not enough. I convince myself that worldly pleasures and personal satisfaction no matter how temporary are more important. What a warped sense of reality! We are so blessed to have such a loving God that knows and understands everything about us. He knows we are going to make mistakes and be complete messes, but He loves us anyways. He wants our loyalty, but doesn't hold grudges when we turn away from Him. He wants to redeem us and welcome us. And our salvation? Never temporary. It is eternal just by believing in Him. Just unfathomable.

Then my pastor shared this story: A man propositioned a woman for $1 million. She accepted. He then inquired if he could change it to $10,000. She was outraged and asked him what kind of person he thought she was. He said "We already settled that, now we're just naming a price."

Don't sell yourself out for temporary pleasure. You know our God? He knows all of your flaws, imperfections, secret sins, and every betrayal, and STILL thinks of you as His priceless beloved child. Jesus Christ already paid the price for us. Our God loves us from the inside out!

God Bless,
Jenny J

Hello

So, hello. I'd say the word in general is one of the most powerful words to be said. As some of you know I have a usual joke where I say: "I've always wanted a smooth talker to walk into my life." Well the fact of the matter is, I haven't had this happen and maybe never will. But maybe because that's not how it's supposed to work. Conversations are the very essence of life and words are the means for which we communicate. They bring people together, tear them apart, and change lives forever. Are you willing to start a conversation? If not, are you ready to listen? If your answer is no in both regards, you should rethink and take that chance. It will surely change your life.

"People are interesting. They all have something to say." -"The Young Girl and the Monsoon"

God Bless,
Jenny J

Smile Again

"If I fall along the way Pick me up and dust me off And if I get too tired to make it Be my breath so I can walk

If I need some other love Give me more than I can stand And when my smile gets old and faded Wait around I'll smile again" - Matchbox 20

It sure is nice to smile again! The weight is off my shoulders and happiness fills my veins!

God Bless,
Jenny J

It's Never Too Late

I'll be the first person to tell you I don't always have the best judgement. I've made mistakes. Big ones. Tiny ones. Mistakes all the same. The most important lesson to learn, and I should note that I'm still learning is that it's okay to forgive yourself for your past. You're going to be messy, that's just a fact of life. But once you've learned your lesson, what's the point in carrying all of that weight of regrets on your shoulders? I am no psychologist but from personal experience I'd advise you to start letting go. It's okay, you're allowed to let go. It won't be easy, and it helps when people are there to hold you accountable and call you out when you start turning back to your old habits. You might not listen to them at first, and think they have no business telling you what to do. But the people that tell you the brutal truth, are the people that care the most about your well-being.
[I ask for you to keep me in your prayers and pray for my life and that I will stay strong and not turn back. Thank you!]

God Bless,
Jenny J

Easy To Find

"If things were easy to find they wouldn't be worth finding." - Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

I'd apply this to love as well. I think it's important to remember that love and every other important thing in life is special and takes time to find the right answers, or merely glimpses of the right answers. Food for thought!

God Bless,
Jenny J

Free Fallin'

When I got into my car to drive home from church this song started playing on the radio. I had to laugh because the beginning of the song is pretty much an accurate description of who I am as a person. Then I got to thinking about free falling and how that is pretty much how I've been living life lately. I have just been going with the flow, no real goals or desires. I think this is why I've been so bothered lately, because usually I'm such an ambitious person, and how ashamed I am of myself for being so lazy and content. But what am I going to do if I ever truly hit rock bottom? I'm so dependent on everyone else and on the idea that everything will remain the same. I don't know, I just think the whole "ignorance is bliss/everything will be okay" mentality that I have is only going to prepare me for future failures. What a scary thought!

God Bless,
Jenny J   

The Girl Who Exclaimed Best Friend

Friends. Everyone wants them, everyone needs them. What credentials qualify one to be a "best friend"? All of my life I have made it a mission to have a best friend. Someone who understands me, makes me laugh, calls me out when I need to be, and can accept me for all that I am. I've often become so wrapped up in longing for a best friend that I would just instantly start calling everyone my best friend. The problem with that is that if everyone is "The Best" no one truly is and it lessens the true meaning of what it means to be "Jenny's Best Friend." There are some friends that I have that as soon as I met them, we instantly connected. They're special friends, and that connection doesn't discount them, but does an instant connection qualify? I just don't know. There are some friends I have never met in real life that I talk to all the time and have the deepest, most thought-provoking conversations with; while they are incredible people, I'd have to say they can't possibly qualify to be best friends, if we've never met.. right? Then again there are those friends I have known all my life, fought with, laughed with, and maybe got in trouble with, but unfortunately I rarely see or talk to them.  Does length of time determine who is best?
Here's what I know. It's good to be friends with everyone. This doesn't mean buy them Christmas presents or wear friendship bracelets. It means saying "Hi! How are you?" even when you don't feel like it. It means honesty and loyalty. Trust me, gossip and backstabbing are the worst ways to lose friends, not to mention those behaviors just make you look silly. And I'll even say, if you do feel the need to talk about that person when they aren't around, tell others how awesome they are and how you appreciate their friendship and how they personally impact your life (This will be a good point of reflection and you might even realize how much they matter to you!) Friendship is about sharing a piece of your life with another. Don't be afraid to talk about yourself. People don't like to ask questions, so it's okay to share. Believe me, if they are making the effort to talk to you, they want to know at least something about you. I have a running joke that some of the people I talk to must be in The Witness Protection Program, because they never say anything personal about themselves. Seems silly, but so true! On the other hand, you have to be open to them and let them share too. Friendship is a two-way street and listening is crucial in the success of one.
I could go on and on about friendship but I won't bore you with my theoretical nonsense! I will end with this: Acquaintances, Friends, and Best Friends are all different terms for a reason, and you should have some of each. Be personable, cheerful and inclusive. Who knows, you could change somebody's life, just by a sprinkle of kindness.

God Bless,
Jenny J

Little Miss Jenny J

So hello world, I'm Jenny Julianna Shields. You're probably wondering why I actually decided to create a blog, when I had been so adamantly against it in the past: for fear of doing what everyone else was doing. Who knows, maybe I am, but at the slight chance I'm not, I hope my blog will be able to inspire you in a new and different way. I am a lover of life and I feel compelled to share that love with others. I've always wanted to be thought of as one of those special people that changes a person's life for the better, and I take that mentality and use it on others. I've had hundreds of people change my life significantly, and I hope I told them so. I just want to expand my influence by using a blog format to tell others that they are worth so much to me and to this world, and that they shouldn't be afraid to live in it. So that's my mission. Let the fun times begin.

God Bless,
Jenny J